My name is Alan. Sadly, on the 27th June 2018, I found my wife, Lyanda, sleeping peacefully for the last time. We had been together for 12 years and married for 10 and a half of those. We had happy times together and I have many fond memories. Life, unfortunately hadn't always been good to us. We were met with several difficulties throughout our life together, but as we always did we fought together every step of the way. Now I face the ultimate battle. Alone.
Between us, we have 7 children. 4 of them live with me. I am now a widowed parent. I don't describe myself as a single parent, but a solo parent. No break, no time off, no opportunity to decompress from the overwhelming moments I face every day. Raising and supporting 4 children under normal circumstances is tough, but doing it while grieving is another battle altogether. At our wedding we each said 'in sickness and in health' which was a major part of our life together, with Lyanda being wheelchair bound for about 3 years before her passing. I just wish 'til death do us part' hadn't been a part of our life. Not this early.
I have learnt that its ok to be angry, ok to be sad and even ok to be happy and laugh too. Grief is a funny thing. There is no manual for it. No timescale. No right or wrong. It is an emotional roller-coaster, one that I keep trying to slow down to a point I can take 5 minutes to breathe. I keep trying to find the brakes to it, one day maybe I will. Not necessarily to stop it, but to ease it to a gentler pace. Maybe, one day.
As a form of therapy I wrote a website and blog. Our life story is a relatively short overview of when we first met through having kids, happy times and difficulties we faced, right up to that devastating day. My blog is my thoughts and experiences which carries on from there. Grief is not openly discussed, if the website can be shared it may help others. It is written in a way which I hope will help and inspire others with their own difficulties in their own lives. If you find time to read it, thank you. https://brighteststarinthesky.com
Alan lives in Carmarthen with his children, and writes about his experiences with grief on his blog. Click here to take a look: https://brighteststarinthesky.com